BILLY GETS A BETTER JOB

BILLY GETS A BETTER JOB

Billy Van Nuys has a job he despises -
He stands in the snow selling bundled-up trees
and he thinks "'Tis the season to rethink the reason
that caused me to get those two college degrees."

Every year he comes back to his boss Mr. Hack
and the lack of fulfillment that makes him depressed,
And today, unsurprised, Billy crosses his eyes
as his boss criticizes the way he is dressed.

"Mr. Hack, I will freeze!" Billy said with a sneeze,
"Could you please get a heater for your employees?"
Mr. Hack said "Relax, and I'll give you some slacks
which you'll find much less cold than those old dungarees!"
"I can never relax!" Billy told Mr. Hack,
"Since I have to keep moving so I do not freeze!
It's twenty degrees and these cold Arctic breezes
are certain to give me some deadly disease!"

Mr. Hack said to Bill, "If you still feel a chill,
then the slacks I suggested will certainly please!
"But it's colder in slacks!" Billy told Mr. Hack,
"It attacks at the cracks in the backs of your knees!"
"Then I'll give you the sack!" Mr. Hack argued back,
"If you have to keep wearing those short dungarees!
Everyone knows wearing clothes such as those
only leaves you exposed from your toes to your knees!"

Billy said "I'll look dumb to the women who come
if I dress up like someone who works in a mall!"
Hack said "Why take chances pursuing romances
in pants made for someone who's not very tall?"
"Your demands are outlandish! You don't understand,"
Billy ranted, "It's torture returning each fall!
Your heart's filled with dents and you make people tense
and it doesn't make sense that I work here at all!"

"It's much too expensive! It's incomprehensible!
No one should spend this much cash for their trees!
Your prices, I trust, have disgusted our customers!
Why must you charge such exhorbitant fees?"

"Just who criticizes my reasonable prices?
Well, no compromises! That's what I'd advise!"

"But prices of sizes the public despises
are why there are businesses dropping like flies!"

Billy croaked "I have spoken to folks who don't like it!
You say things are OK? This must be a joke!"
"But if prices don't rise" said Hack, tears in his eyes,
"then I won't be surprised if I find myself broke!"

"Well, I've had it with twits that attack my integrity!"
Find other lackeys to shackle! I quit!
And I'm not coming back!" Billy told Mr. Hack,
And as quickly as that, Billy turned and he split.

"Why that nasty brat slacker! I know he'll be back!"
Mr. Hack mumbled, stumbling to his heated shack.

And he waited all winter, and well beyond that,
'Till the trees had turned brown and the hills became flat,
'Till the hair had turned silver beneath his brown hat,
And still there he sat, never closing his eyes,
But he never again heard from Billy Van Nuys.

ej@templeofdominoes dot com

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