The Tale of
A Musical Emergency

March 12, 2011
Jellyfish Gallery
San Francisco
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A Most Excellent and Lamentable


Two star ships rock’ting through the void of space,
In a galaxy far far away, we lay our scene,
In a time of civil war, a dark lord and princess race,
When rebel spies take secret plans unseen.

An Empire dominates in cruel guilt,
To crush galactic freedom like its toy,
From ancient grudge an ultimate weapon built,
The Death Star, living planets to destroy.

And yet two star-crossed lovers soon will meet,
And ‘til untested youths are brought to war -
Our Princess races from the Empire’s fleet
The stolen plans a new hope to restore.

And so with song and music we do play
For in this hive of scum and villainy,
Permit that we your humble patience pray
To judge this Musical Emergency.

SONG - Craig

Above a luminous planet a tiny rebel ship took flight in the darkness. Short was its flight, for soon it was overtaken and drawn within the Empire’s enormous vessel. The desperate rebel soldiers fought on with blasters as Imperial Stormtroopers invaded their craft, but the rebels’ efforts proved futile. Soon the princess would be in the Empire’s custody.

In a hidden corridor, a Princess quietly spoke to a droid named R2-D2.

SONG - Melinda & Mike

Soon the Princess slipped away and the droid rolled back to his companion C-3P0. “Where are you going?” asked C-3P0 as R2-D2 climbed inside an escape pod. The two droids bickered as the craft rocketed into space. The Princess, they knew, would find no such safety.

Soon Princess Leia stood before the monstrous commander of the Imperial troops: Lord Darth Vader, tall and powerful, with an ominous breathing sound billowing from within his armored black helmet.

SONG - Brendan

On the planet’s desert surface, the two droids stumbled from their wrecked pod. C-3P0 beckoned for R2-D2 to follow him along the safest route, but the smaller droid refused. And so C-3PO walked into the wastelands alone.

As the suns’ raging heat grew, C-3P0 knew he must find shelter, and he was overjoyed when a large rolling vessel appeared on the horizon.

Soon C-3PO found himself in a transport filled with droids: living machines of every shape and description. C-3P0 grew hopeless amid this motley collection – what would become of him? When at last a familiar shape appeared, for R2-D2 had been seized by the same creatures which had pulled C-3PO from the desert surface.

Soon the craft stopped and the droids were sold to a moisture farmer named Owen and his young nephew Luke. Luke grumbled when his uncle demanded that the boy spend the afternoon preparing the droids for their tasks on the farm. But he was very surprised when he found a secret message in R2-D2’s memory bank that revealed the robots’ experience with the rebellion against the evil Galactic Empire. The message was directed to Obi-Wan Kenobi: a name not wholly familiar to Luke.

After dinner Luke returned to his workshop, but he was astonished to find that R2-D2 had escaped. It would be too dangerous to search the wasteland at night. Luke and C-3P0 slipped away the next morning to find the small droid.

Luke's landspeeder soon caught up with R2-D2 on a high bluff; but as the boy confronted his lost robot, they were both attached by a masked creature waving a pointed metal weapon. Soon Luke lay lifeless on the ground as the brutal creature and its companions searched through the boy's posessions. Then, with a terrible noise, a robed figure chased the creatures away.

Upon waking, Luke recognized his rescuer as Ben Kenobi, a hermit known to live in the area. The old man gave a startled expression when Luke explained about R2-D2's message - for Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ben Kenobi were one and the same.

Soon the party had moved to the safety of Ben's home, where the old man had a gift for Luke: a light-sabre owned by Luke's father. It was then that R2-D2 played back Princess Leia's message. The princess explained that she'd stored technical information about the Death Star in the memory banks of R2-D2. The message called for Obi-Wan Kenobi to transport this information to Alderaan.

"You must come with me," said Obi-Wan to Luke.

"I can't - I'm needed at home," said Luke.

But as Luke and Obi-Wan soon sped across the desert, they discovered a grisly sight. Imperial Stormtroopers had destroyed the Jawa's sandcrawler - and when they did not find the droids they sought, they had attacked Luke's home and killed his aunt and uncle.

"I want to come with you to Alderaan," said Luke. "There's nothing for me here now."

The party traveled to Mos Eisley spaceport, where Obi-Wan and Luke entered a strange tavern. Luke found himself in a tense conflict with two frightening creatures, but Obi-Wan's astounding skill with his light-sabre ended the battle quickly.

Obi-Wan introduced Luke to a star pilot named Han Solo and his companion Chewbacca, an enormous, furry Wookie. Soon the party were on their way to the pilot's ship, the Millennium Falcon - but not before Solo himself was delayed by a deadly confrontation with an exotic bounty hunter named Greedo.

SONG - Martin

Soon Greedo lay slumped against a table as Han joined the others on board the ship. But surprised they were when Imperial starships lay in wait to intercept them. Only Han Solo's skill and the Millennium Falcon's powerful engines allowed the group to escape into hyperspace.

On board the Death Star, Governer Tarkin pressured Princess Leia to reveal the location of the secret Rebel Base. Trembling, Leia bitterly gave the name of the planet Dantooine. Yet with horror she screamed as the governor spoke again, giving the order to destroy Alderaan. The massive guns of the Death Star fired a blinding beam that created a cataclysmic explosion where the peaceful planet had once been.

SONG - Julia, Iggy, Martin

On board the Millennium Falcon, Obi-Wan Kenobi was struck by a sudden anguish, as if he had experienced a terrible horror a great distance away.

SONG - Aletha

The old man bid Luke to continue his training in the use of the Force – lessons which Han found silly.

When their craft arrived at its destination moments later, our heroes were astonished to find that Alderaan had been destroyed – and in its place, an enormous space station lay in wait. Although Han struggled to free his ship, the party soon realized they were caught in a tractor beam. Within moments, the Millennium Falcon was drawn helplessly inside the looming space station.

Determined to escape, our heroes had soon disarmed two imperial stormtroopers and stolen their polished armor. Thus disguised, the party slipped into a nearby command chamber and Obi-Wan ventured off to shut down the tractor beam. Yet only a moment later, R2-D2 informed the group that Princess Leia was imprisoned on board the ship. Luke demanded that the princess be rescued – a plan to which Han would only agree after a substantial reward was promised.

Pretending that Chewbacca was their prisoner, Han and Luke escorted the wookie into the detention block, leaving the droids to fend for themselves. After a furious firefight with imperial guards, Luke entered Leia’s cell – but by the time the two emerged into the corridor, their escape route had been cut off.

SONG - Jay, Adrienne, Martin, Evan

Grabbing Luke’s gun, Leia blasted a hole in the wall and commanded the men to leap into the garbage chute. One by one, our heroes plummeted into the foul darkness.

Inside the garbage masher, the battle between the princess and her rescuers seemed for a moment to replace the team’s battle with the stormtroopers. Yet as the team searched for an escape route, an ominous sound was heard – and to everyone’s horror, Luke was pulled into the muck by a mysterious tentacled creature. Only when the walls began to close in did Luke finally emerge from the murky water.

Quickly, Luke used his comlink to contact C-3P0, and together the droids were able to shut down the garbage masher and release Luke and his friends. A chance encounter with a platoon of stormtroopers split the group as Han chased after the armored soldiers. Luke and Leia ducked through a nearby door and made their escape by swinging across a bottomless chasm. Soon our heroes were standing together within sight of the Millennium Falcon. But as they crept back to the vessel, Luke noticed a terrible sight in a nearby chamber: Obi-Wan Kenobi was engaged in a deadly lightsabre duel with Darth Vader.

Paralyzed by the scene, Luke cried out when he witnessed the unthinkable: Darth Vader’s lightsabre seemed to find its mark. Yet it was Obi-Wan’s voice Luke heard at that moment, calling for Luke to run – and run he did, joining he friends inside the Millennium Falcon.

For a moment, Luke sat overwhelmed by the loss of his friend – but quickly Han called him to man a turret gun and defend the ship once again. Four imperial fighters were dispatched to intercept the craft, but after a fierce battle, the rebels made their escape.

On board the Death Star, Governor Tarkin spoke calmly to Darth Vader. “Are you sure the homing beacon is safe aboard their ship?” he asked.

Safely traveling through hyperspace, Luke, Leia and Han discussed the paths that lay before them. Would Han follow Leia and join the rebellion, as Luke had done? The answer, it seemed, was no – Han wanted his money.

Soon the princess’ party arrived at the rebel base – an ancient fortress hidden on the forested moon of the remote planet Yavin. The technical readouts transported by R2-D2 were quickly analyzed and the rebel pilots were briefed for a desperate attack: a small port on the surface of the Death Star offered the vulnerability the rebels would hope to exploit.

As Luke prepared to board his ship, he spoke to Han Solo, who was busily loading his ship with money and supplies. Han would not join the fight – but he did offer Luke a rare word of encouragement: “May the Force be with you,” he said.

SONG - Carol & Dan

The rebel pilots rocketed into space and sped toward the approaching space station.

SONG - Roberto

Small imperial ships engaged the rebel ships in terrifying battle. The leader of Luke’s team sped down the trench toward the vital exhaust port, but despite the calculations of his targeting computer, his torpedo failed to meet its target.

Soon Darth Vader himself entered the melee in his own private ship. With heartless precision he destroyed the rebel ships – and within moments the dark lord had Luke’s ship in his sights.

Inside his imperial command bridge, Governor Tarkin was informed that the rebel base was now within range of the Death Star’s weapons. “You may fire when ready”, said Tarkin. The soldiers launched the ignition process.

His comrades’ ships crippled, Luke flew undefended into the trench. As he prepared to fire his fateful torpedo, Luke heard a familiar voice speak the words “Use the Force, Luke”. The voice was that of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

To the concern of his commanders at the rebel base, Luke switched off his targeting computer. Darth Vader and his wingmen closed in as Luke approached the target. Darth Vader’s weapons locked onto Luke’s ship. “I have you now!” said Vader.

But Vader’s blast did not find its target. A tremendous explosion destroyed his right wingman’s ship. The Millennium Falcon roared into the battle and with a second blast, the second imperial wingman was destroyed, sending Darth Vader’s own ship spinning helplessly into space.

“You’re all clear, kid! Now let’s blow this thing and go home!” Han Solo signaled to his friend. Luke held his breath and released his photon torpedoes directly into the target zone. As the few remaining rebel ships sped away from the doomed space fortress, a cataclysmic explosion destroyed the Empire’s secret weapon.

SONG - Jay, Martin & Evan

Soon the rebel victors were reunited back at their base. The next day a grand ceremony was held, and the beautiful Princess Leia placed golden medallions around the necks of Luke and Han, for their bravery had brought a new hope for peace to the galaxy.


NOTE ABOUT TEXT: If you want to use a detail not mentioned in this version of the story,
Contact Martin ASAP and we'll work something out!

All songs and recordings for this show will be copyright 2011 by their respective performers.
All rights are reserved.